The Importance of Freedom of Choice

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice ~ Mary Ann Evans (pen-name George Eliot)

When it comes to arranged marriage, some may argue that freedom of choice, is largely a western ideal, a whimsical notion. But without the experience and responsibility that comes with making choices and decisions for ourselves, we lack the necessary tools that help us to grow and evolve in life. If someone else makes our choices for us, how can we utilize our own intelligence, speak our own voice, live our own truth?

I once attended a lecture by Professor of International Studies, Anita Weiss, in which she was discussuing Muslim women’s views on wearing a burqa. She spoke with a number of women who told her that they did not mind wearing it, but they wanted it to be their choice, not the choice of their culture.

At times, the choices we make may be impulsive, especially in our youthful stages of life. It makes sense that some of them may be imprudent. It takes time and experience to sit with our choices in deciding what we feel would be best for us. If a situation changes, what may have initially seemed the best choice, may later prove to be a detrimental one. But that simply provides the opportunity to decide what to do next. Some of the choices we make are later felt to be mistakes. Mistakes, however, are lessons if we learn from them; indeed, it is the way that we learn.

As parents, it is our job to teach and guide our children towards the healthiest choices that will be most beneficial for them, but there comes a time when their choices must be their own.

As an adult, the inability to make our own choices handicaps, and has grievous ramifications. Firstly, it gives undue power to someone else, allowing another to decide what is best. How can anyone else possibly know? If our lives are dictated and controlled by others, it effectively removes us from the vital task of carving out our personal life path, of taking responsibility, of growing up. Giving someone the power to control our choices, our lives, feeds the illusion that they are superior while we are weak and inferior. It gives the illusion that we have less capability. And in that, no growth can occur.

more to follow on arranged marriages…